I decided that I want my blogs to be real and honest. Not every day is perfect... today could have been worse.... I just want to write about my life and what really goes on.
Today I took another one of my ASL classes to the California School for the Deaf (CSD) in Fremont. It was fun, but last week was better. I signed more last week and had more confidence afterwards. Today I have been feeling unmotivated and weak. As I type this, I feel selfish and lame; I'm not sure what's going on. I started school 3 years ago to become a teacher. The program was supposed to be a year and a half long, but due to the CSET, it's taking me at least twice that amount of time to finish what I started. Talk about frustrating! I feel dumb and have thoughts such as, "What made you think you could ever become a teacher?" I was never wonderful with school; I have a hard time remembering things and passing tests. The only classes I excelled in were Bible and Sign Language, but both have been sitting on my mental "shelf" for so long that thoughts, ideas, and signs have changed or are no longer used. Basically, I feel useless when it comes to "doing something with my life." Don't get my wrong, I have a lot of joy in my home, I just don't feel a specific purpose outside of here. I want to be used by the Lord and do things for Him. If this is all a training for something greater in the future, I feel I'm bound to fail.
As I am fasting, I've decided to pray for purpose, as well as a few other things. I'm confident that the Lord will show me someday what He wants me to do. I just hope and pray that I will hear Him and be ready to go.
Sorry for the "Debbie Downer" entry today. This too shall pass...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011